Spewing Fits
by usHHfan (Stacy) and DasnDanger (Deirdre)

NOTE: usHHfan is responsible for this being the creator of the
brilliant dialogue (with the exception of a word or two like
poofter which I claim responsibility for BUT the last
line is all hers!! Ok and I put in the narrative...and the
whole thing WAS my idea BUT usHHfan came up with the
conversation and the basic `story' line not moi!!! She
was just too lady-like to post this...so I took the liberty. By the
way - this is not supposed to be a literary masterpiece....

If you like it praise usHHfan. . . . .if you hate it
blame me. . . .


Horatio slid into the bench across from Kennedy, his brow furrowed as
he scanned the placid young face opposite him. Resting his elbows on
the table, he leaned forward and in a hushed tone asked, "Archie,
what exactly happened to you last night?"

Archie looked at him, a nervous flutter exciting his eyelids,
"I'm not quite sure I know what you are talking about."

"You had. . .a fit. . .or something." Horatio whispered,
glancing around to see if anyone else was about.

Squirming a bit, Archie attempted to sound innocent, "I don't
remember that."

With this opportunity to be helpful, Horatio generously
expounded, "You don't? Well, you started screaming and..."

"I did not!" Archie exclaimed, his face reddening.

Now confused, Horatio became insistent, "Of course, you did. I
saw you..."

"Who's going and accusing of me of having fits? You, who goes
green every time the ship moves an inch?" Nice ploy, Archie
thought; let's see how well 'Mr. Perfect' does when the shoe is
on the other foot.

Horatio wriggled his neck, "Now, Archie that is unfair! You had a
fit. Whether or not I get seasick has little relevance..."

"Oh, I apologize. By the tone of your conversation I thought that
you were interested in discussing "afflictions"."

"Seasickness is not an affliction...well, not in the same sense
as your fits, anyway."

"No? Is seasickness so controllable, Horatio?"

"Well, no..." Horatio said, looking wounded.

"Then why wouldn't you call it an affliction?" Archie
queried, his superior glare cutting into Horatio.

"You know, Archie, we are getting off the subject..."

"We are getting off the subject of my fits only because you are
uncomfortable talking about your nausea."

"Alright, then, let's talk about my nausea...at least enough
people suffer from it that they can understand it. I, at least, can
go out into good company while seasick and not invite ridicule."

An impish grin lightened Archie's face, "You think that being
a seasick naval officer doesn't invite ridicule?"

"No. Not outside the Navy anyway..." Horatio's brow
knitted as if questioning his own comment.

"Besides, I don't know how long you would be welcome in "good
company" after you've heaved your lunch onto them..." Archie
smirked; he was enjoying himself now.

"Well, at least I can see to myself during the incident. It's not
as if I can't excuse myself before..."

"Before spewing all over the floor? How very polite of you, Mr.

"I can control WHERE I throw up..." Horatio retorted.

"I'm pleased to hear that! If you can, indeed, control where you
vomit - I would deem it a great favor if you would try aiming for a
bucket next time. It's rather unappetizing to have it everywhere in
the mess..." Archie fired back.

"I'll take that into consideration, Mr. Kennedy though you
seem to have no problem gorging yourself while I'm in agony. But
if you insist - in exchange, perhaps next time you decide to have a
fit you will be so kind as to do so in a more secluded place. It's
rather embarrassing to lose a wrestling match with an epileptic in
front of the entire midshipmen's berth...they all think I'm a
poofter now." Horatio sighed, rolling his eyes as his shoulders

Archie chuckled, "They think you're a `poofter'
because you prance about in that frilly nightshirt wearing a

"Leave my attire out of this. I believe we're
`discussing' the inconvenience of restraining a human
earthquake. " Horatio sneered.

"It is not my problem if you are too weak to hold a man
down..." Archie razzed, still grinning.

Horatio raised a brow, "You don't think so?"

"What makes you think that it is?" Archie challenged.

"If I didn't, you'd vibrate right across the floor!" Horatio
said, sweeping his arm while making bouncing motions with his hand in
an attempt to illustrate the situation to Archie.

Archie shrugged, "Then why don't you let me?"

"Pardon me for trying to help! You think Simpson's a b@stard now?
Imagine if he tripped over you during one of your fits!"

"You are indeed a great man, Horatio Hornblower, coming to the
rescue of poor, defenseless Archie Kennedy..." He said, sulking.

"Not SO defenseless...if someone gets too close, you can flail
them to death" Horatio scoffed.

"Bite me, Horatio."


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