Revealed! Wellard Was the Fifth Beatle!
by Olivia

Revealed! Wellard was the 5th Beatle!
By Olivia reporting from Liverpool

BIG NEWS is soon to rock the very foundation of Beatle teaching with
the revelation that Midshipman Henry Wellard, of His Majesty's ship
Renown, was the official 5th Beatle.

The news comes after scores of forensic scientific tests have
discovered the DNA of Midshipman Wellard matches those of the Fab
Four.

Although numerous others have claimed or been accorded 5th Beatle
status, including Pete Best, Stu Sutcliffe and Mick Jagger, it with
without a doubt that Wellard may well have been the `other Beatle'
mentioned in Fab Four legend, as our exclusive pictures show.

Other evidence has come to light which confirms Wellard's place in
Beatle history. It has been discovered that Wellard's surprisingly
deep and melodious voice perfectly suited the harmonious of the
Liverpudillian Band, most notably on the track "A Day in the Life"
where Wellard can be distinctly heard to sing the line "I'd love to
turn you on."

But it was not just the singing department where Wellard's Beatle
qualities excelled. He also taught Ringo Starr how to read, which
proved to be vital to his post-Beatle career as narrator of Thomas
the Tank Engine. "He saved my a**" says Ringo. "Learning how read
really opened doors for me. It allowed me to become a lot more than
just Beatle Ringo. I could be Beatle anybody!"

Wellard also contributed lyrics to such tracks as "Being for the
Benefit of Mr Kite", where the following lyrics shows cryptic
references to himself, and two other lieutenants of the Renown, Mr
Hornblower and Mr Kennedy:

Messrs. K. and H. assure the public
Their production will be second to none
And of course Henry The Horse dances the waltz!

Wellard's cloned Beatle appearance, including the mop-top hairdo,
also meant he was able to stand in at the last minute when one of the
Fab Four fell ill, particularly when the Beatles visited Australia in
1964, as their tour manager explains: "Jimmy Nicol was brought in to
stand in for Ringo when he was ill with tonsillitis, but after Jimmy
became sick with stage fright there was just no other choice but to
bring in Henry Wellard. He looked so much like the other three, and
the stage was often so far away, that the audience couldn't tell the
difference between them."

Wellard even stood in as Paul McCartney's double on the back cover of
the Sgt Pepper album, as the Sgt Pepper photographer reveals: "it was
recorded in Beatle legend that the stand in for Paul was a chap by
the name of William Campbell, but it was actually Henry Wellard."

And what is the verdict given by the Fab Four themselves? Paul
McCartney says: "We are and always have been a four piece band.
Others may have lent us a hand or a wig along the way, but it's
always just been us four. No-one else."

But Ringo holds a more inclusive view of the quintet: "I have livid
memories of the lad. He taught us elegance, grace and good grammars.
His help in language studies was impertinent if we were going to get
anywhere. Thanks to him, I have a wider vocabulary which I am able to
use in contest. I have a very admiral relationship towards him."

Story: Olivia
Pictures: The remarkable similarities left little doubt about Wellard
being the 5th Beatle.