Once Upon a Time There was Archie
Scene 1:Somewhere at sea, just about where the
Indefatigable will 'meet' with the Indefesible.
Pellew:(to Horatio) There are many ships around. We
must be careful, for they are all sailing under that
@#$#&^* French flag.
Horatio:Sir... @#$#&^* ? Sir?
Pellew:Yes, and I am not sorry that i said it.
Archie:Sir, I believe i see another flag on starboard
side Sir.Captain Pellew Sir.
Pellew:will you please stop that
Sir-Captain-Pellew-Sir-stuff. It drives me crazy.
Archie:(grins) Understood Sir.Captain Pellew
Sir.....Sir, but what about the flag?
Pellew:Aaaaarghhh!!! You*&^%$%^, .....What flag?
Horatio:The one Mr. Kennedy just mentioned Sir Captain
Pellew Sir. (Pellew turns quite red-purple-ish of
anger)The one on starboard side.
Pellew:I SAID KNOCK IT!!!! Now let me see. Give me
that! (grabbing the spyglass-or-what's-it-called away
Archie:(aside to Horatio) I believe 'THA SIR' is
rather tense today..... this could be fun.(smiling
from ear to ear now and looking gorgeous)
Pellew:(to both)The flag is Red Blue Yellow Green
White. Any idea what that could be?
Horatio&Archie:No Sir.(softly) Captain Pellew Sir
Archie:Could it be a trap of the French?
Horatio:Possibly. It certainly is the most stupid flag
I've ever seen. So that's why it cannot be but French.
Pellew:There is a certain logic to that. And i heard
you. One more time and you both will be on rations for
a week. (Enter Styles )
Styles:But I already am on rations, after the incident
with the chicken.....
Horatio:Not you, us! We finally go in trouble, well,
almost. If I go through with it, I might become just
as cool as you and The Arch-Man.
Horatio:Superman,Sir, I said Superman.
(They all forget about the flag, and go back to what
they were doing before I, the author dropped in and
Scene 2:Midnight at sea. Archie and Oldroyd having a
'conversation' below deck.
Archie:Not so loud. You woke me up. That is, if i
would have been asleep.
Oldroyd:Huh? What? (yawns again) You weren't? Bother!
Archie:Bother? No I was actually daydreaming, well,
night dreaming is more like it, but then you are most
o the time asleap while doing so, so just thinking
about is perhaps better blah blah blah.
Oldroyd:Hey Dude, not so fast. What is it you were
Archie:This beautiful Lady.
Oldroyd:What beautiful Lady? Does she have a sister
(preferrably still single)?
Archie:I don't know. I have never met her you see....
I am just thinking about her. Kinda like all those
women visiting webpages dedicated to The Arch Man, who
cannot get me out of their minds.
Oldroyd:Are they thinking of me too? (and if so, do
hey have sisers, preferrably sill single?)
Archie:(not paying attention to Oldroyd anymore) What
if She's on the ship of wich we have seen the flag on
the horizon...... She must come aboard the Indy.... If
only her ship would sink, then I could rescue
her....blah blah blah.
Oldroyd:What if She's not? And what will you do when
She likes me better?
Horatio:(who has been listening to their talking for
quite a while) Or what if She likes me?
Archie:Trust me, that won't happen. She will fall for
my charmes ( they all do.....)
Horatio:What's your secret, please tell me. You know I
want to be like you. You are my first
example.....After Pellew that is. He is a great
Captain, isn't he?
Oldroyd:You call that great? Hmfh. He won't even take
us to the West Indies.
Archie:Thanks Horatio. But I don't have a secret. And
if i had I wouldn't tell you. Oh, and Oldroyd, we are
in a war, face it, it 'll take a while before you'll
see the Indies.
(Oldroyd starts whining and calling for his mommy,
Horatio Thinks of what Archie's secret can be, and The
Arch Man is practising his nose schrunches, lip licks
and does a bit of grinning...)
Scene 3: The next day. The ship with the strange flag
is now also surrounded by the *&^^%$# frogs.
Archie:(jumping up and down of pure joy) I can almost
touch it, and perhaps i'll see her today!
Pellew:What do you mean? The ship? I am afraid I don't
follow. And please, stand still. Have some more
respect for the higher rank.,meaning me. (he leaves)
Matthews:What's all the jumpin' about? Someone having
Archie:Hush, .... wait! I can read the name! It's
the...Indefensible. Wow that sounds pretty helpless.
Picture me as the knight saving the damsel in distress
that must be a board that ship.
Horatio:Ehm.. there seems to be nothing wrong with the
ship if you ask me...
Archie:I'm not asking you. And the ship will sink.
Trust me on my word. A ship with that name cannot do
VERY LOUD BOOM
Archie:Look! The Indefensible got hit. Badly. Great!
Styles:Could be, but now they are aiming at us!
(Some more cannons are being fired and from the Indy
sounds many a time FIYAH! either from Horatio or The
Scene 4:After the Battle
Horatio:Look, There are people in the water. We must
Pellew:Why? What good would it do to us?
Archie:We must becuase they were from the
indefensible, and i cannot let that pretty lady
drown.(ties a rope around his waist, and the other end
to the ship and jumps overboard)
Archie:(To me, I mean the girl in the water, just
waiting to be saved) Hold on to me, i'll save
you...(pulls himself and the girl back to the Indy)
Scene 5: A few hours later, aboard the Indy.
Pellew:(to the girl) I trust you are rested, and
perhaps you care for dinner...?
Girl:I am rather hungry..., yes, i do care for dinner
Pellew:What's your name girl, and where are you from?
You don't speak with a French accent so I take you are
not French (you better not), but you do have an
Girl:You may call me The Duchess of Lutini Don't know
where it is, never been there....but. I am Dutch, so
you now know where I got my accent from.
Oldroyd:I quite like her Dutch Ass....
Archie:That's no way to speak of a Lady. It should be
called a Dutch Butt.
Horatio:But that doesn't sound right...
Archie:My dearest Duchess of Lutini, do you have
another name, something like.... ehm.. Lady
...ehm..(hinting for a name)
Duchess:You might as well call me Lady Aldis.
All:very (very) nice to have you aboard, Lady Aldis.
Scene 6: Just about after dinner.
Pellew:Mr. Kennedy, would you be so kind to escort
lady aldis to her cabin, while we (points at the other
officers sitting around the table) talk about
Archie:As you wish Sir Captain Pellew Sir! (making
Pellew turn Red again but Archie doesn't mind being
put on rations! )
Lady Aldis:(while being escorted) are you the brave
man who saved my life?
Archie:I do not want to boast (in the precence of a
Lady at least), but yes, i believe i did save your
life.(smiling, nose schrunching and lip licking,(in
other words: GIMME MORE OF THAT, ARCHIE DEAR!!!!) thus
succeeding to win my, er, the Lady's heart even
Lady Aldis:I haven't thanked you for what you did.
Thank you very (very) much for saving my life.
Archie:It was nothing...Here we are. Your cabin,
Lady Aldis, Heck, now it's ME!:You deserve a kiss for
that you know...(getting closer to The Arch Man)
Archie:Ehm...should we do this?
Me:Ofcourse we should dear. Just one little kiss....
Archie:Allright(smiling and looking gorgeous) let's
have some of that sweet kissin'(getting even
Why did I have to wake up then? Cursed alarmclock!
Guess this is the end...