Ode to a Sea Chest
by Jack Simpson
Transcribed by Michele Grace

There's one thing in this life I've learned
No mind what ship you sail:
Hit others first BEFORE you're burned,
Then live to tell the tale.

So come I in Justinian
The senior in the mess:
A middy I begin again,
I've failed that bloody test.

Now what's left for me? No gold braid --
No, that can never be;
But what I CAN do now is raid
Each sea chest I may see.

I levy tolls each day and night
For fresh shirts, ties, and socks;
And all to good if I cause fright
And break a few good locks.

I help myself to vittles fine
And rum as I may please;
I'll have you wake at any time,
At one bell, two, or three.

I'll say too well you know the cards --
The backs as well as fronts;
You'll look like you fell on your face --
Both sides of it at once!

I'll send you on a merry chase
Up ratlines high above;
And then I'll clamber down with haste
Need help down? Here's a shove !

I like to help on cuttings out
To serve would give me joy;
Oh Archie, lest you harbour doubt,
It's true -- Jack's missed you, boy.

There's no heights you can climb
Where you'll be out of Simpson's reach;
I'll even cut your longboat line --
But keep me off that beach!

Now don't hold Clayton `gainst me
No, I never asked for that;
`Twas SNOTTY'S challenge sent me --
*I* was merely fighting back!

No, please don't shoot me, DON'T SHOOT ME!!
What's that? No powder worth??
I'LL teach you not to refute me --
Oh, crap -- Pel-lew shot FIRST!!

No sea chests will I e'er `gain raid
Nor mutton shall be fed;
And all because of Snotty
Caesar Simpson now lies dead.