Letter to Hell - Pamela Hornblower
by Skihee :)

Dear Mr. Simpson,

I was straightening some things in my husband's sea chest for him when I came
upon your smelly burnt edged packet. I read your letter to "Snotty" and
wondered why ever would my husband have someone else's mail until, from its
content, I realized it was meant for Horatio!

I read its entirety and wondered at what had taken place in the lives of
Horatio and Archie before I knew them. I determined to know what it was
about and chose a time when my husband was feeling mellow and talkative. He
is such a wonderful man! He has told me much, but I confess, getting
information out of him about you was a bit more difficult. I finally had to
confess to reading your letter. He was surprised he still had the "damned
thing" as he put it, saying he thought he had fed it to the flames so it
could return from whence it came.

Horatio became very irritated with me for bringing you up! I have not seen
such a dark visage on the man since....well, I cannot remember ever having
seen Horatio in that dark a mood. He said you had treated Archie in a
despicable manor, and that he would not tell tales even to me, that if I
wanted to know I would have to ask Archie. To which he then implored me
never to bring you up to him. I can only imagine the worst, knowing what I
know of some men, the navy, and what goes on in the black hearts of evil.

I let the subject drop. I would rather not know than cause Archie Kennedy a
moment of distress. Archie is one of the finest men I have ever met. He has
a marvelous comedic wit, enjoys discussing literature, even romance novels,
he is quite the most handsome man I have ever met next to my own Horatio. He
is a leftenant now and his Captain counts him an asset to his crew. Just ask
Mr. Bracegirdle!

Speaking of which, the thought of Horatio, makes me catch my breath! You
see, I have waited until Horatio and his ship are far out to sea. If he knew
I were writing you, I fear he might become upset with me. The night before
he left, I was making an inventory of his scars, so I would know if he became
injured and did not tell me about them, though he did not know my reasoning.
We were laughing over them, until we came to the two you left him, you rat!
I can only say I am pleased you dwell where you deserve. I certainly shall
not look for you in heaven.

He is due home soon and I am almost afraid to see him. You see, we are
expecting our first child, and I look as though I have swallowed a
watermelon! Whenever I stroll down to the docks, to see if Indefatigable is
in port, I always carry a lap blanket with me to hide my hugeness! Oh dear!
If I did not love them both so, I would just want to crawl under a rock and

But I am so happy I just have to share this with, even you, I convinced
Horatio to talk to his son before he left! He was so deliciously sweet, his
head near my protruding abdomen, caressing the boy, and he kept his promise.
He told his son he loved him! I was so delighted to hear him say it. The
memory of what we did next would have Dr. Sebastian in a dither in my
condition, but I am fine. And our little boy's only complaint was to soundly
kick his dad in the side. I told him it was a love kick. I just know it is
going to be a boy! He shall look just like his father! He shall have all
his fine qualities! And, best of all, he shall carry on the Hornblower name!
I am quite excited at the prospect of raising Horatio's son! I know I shall
love him as deeply as I love his father.

It's a pity no one will be carrying on your name, but then again, no it
isn't. We don't need anymore evil entities. The world is difficult enough
as it is without having to deal with foulies such as yourself.

Well, I must away. Horatio is due back any day now. I wait impatiently for
him. He is going to be an Admiral you know. I just know it. And, his son
will stand at his side on a fine ship one day, he will put his arm over his
shoulder and tell him how proud we both are of him. I can just see it! I

Fare....well I was going to say farewell, but I don't imagine you do down
there. So good-bye.

Pamela Hornblower
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