Hornblower and 'Evil Eddy'
Place: just after they have made landfall (the wrong
war /frogs and lobsters) horatio has to ride a horse.
"I see you haven't had a real opportunity of getting
this close to a horse Mr. Hornblower" Edrington said,
laughing. He did not even try to hide his amusement
over Horatio's attemts to mount the horse. "I am
trying sir" Horatio replied, "If only someone would
keep her still so I can hop on board - " "I hear you
have been at sea; for one thing, that is a he-horse,
and not a she-ship and we do not call the mounting a
horse 'hopping on board' although that is exactly what
you are doing now.
Place: moncoutant's village, a little later (by the
way if I happen to mess things up in the story, sorry,
but it has been a while since I last saw the episode.)
"Mr Hornblower, do you have a moment? I need to speak
with you. It's important." Edrington called across the
square where they had 'parked' the guillotine. "What,
sir? Horatio asked, thinking of a way to pay back
Edrington for laughing at him. "I was wondering if you
had seen that Marriette-girl somewhere. I think she
looks pretty and I want her to dine with me tomorrow
evening." "No sir" Horatio answered "but I was just on
my way to bring her a cup of tea." Edrington now
notices that Horatio is indeed holding two cups of
tea, what makes him a bit jealous. "Then tell me,
where is she?" he asks. "She's gone fishin' sir"
Horatio said, while a cunning plan came into his head.
"You know the pond just outside the village walls?
That's where she is." "Thanks man, I'll go there at
once. Oh, better not, you first bring her the tea."
Place: outside village walls. The pond.
"Hi Archie!" Horatio greeted his friend. "I've
you some tea." "Oh, just what I needed. Thanks pal.
Hey, wipe that grin off your face, I'd almost think
you had a sense of humor or something. What's going
on?" Archie looked a bit puzzled at his friend. He did
not act like the 'normal' Horatio, I was almost like - .
"What are you up to, Horatio? I am your friend, c'me
on, tell me.." after a short silence Horatio beganh to
speak "you know how I ab-so-lu-te-ly cannot stand that
Edrington? Now I have got this 'genious' plan. I am
going to annoy the &^%* out of him! And then he
demands a duel to ste things straight again. He's that
sort of guy." "You want 'evil Eddy' to duel you? Why?
The fella isn't that bad. He only laughed at you four
times. I laugh at, er - , with you all the time." Archie
asked, still puzzled. "you looked a bit stupid when
you could not mount that horse, even you have to admit
that, and so what? The guy likes Mariette, shows his
good taste - " "No Archie, my mind is made up. He's
going to have it!" Horatio said while thinking about
how well he and Mariette suited each other.
(can't believe I wrote that - Horatio and Mariette?
Place: back in the village.
"Hi Eddy! Have you seen Mariette yet?" Horatio
joyiously exclaimed. "No, and I don't think that she's
gone fishin'. I suppose you "really" have no idea
where she is?" Edrington asked, really annoyed 'cuz
because of Horatio he stayed in the village doing
nothing for quite a while. "Er, you might try the
school, she has been teaching all day - " Horatio said
softly, almost unhearable. What a fool Edrington was,
he thought. "Did you plan on this, me having to wait
here for an hour or so for nothing?" Edrington asked.
"No sir, why would I?" was the mischievious reply. "I
have absolutely no idea what you mean." (yeah right!)
"I mean that you want Mariette for yourself! I can't
have that!" Edrington shouted at Horatio. "Oh if
that's all - .it's true you know - but what are you going
to do about it?" Were the bold but nonchalantly spoken
words Horatio said.
There was the silence of a man who is quickly running
through all the options one has in such a situation - .
"I'll fight you! A duel! that's it!" It was all
Edrington had to say to make Horatio's dreams come
true. "And how do you think we should fight each
other? Considered we should not get too injured 'cuz
then neither of us will be any 'use' to Mariette - "
Horatio almost thought that Edrington would retreat
now. But he didn't. "You have a point there, Mr
Hornblower. Let's see - . (turning to Horatio) you have
any ideas?" There was another silence and suddenly
they both heard someone nearing the village. He was
wisteling. It was Archie. "Hi fellas! Is there
something wrong? You two look so - . Horatio! You
didn't! Ah, crap! I told you not to be so - you really
did annoy the crap out of him, didn't you?" Was his
quick overview of the situation. "What are you looking
at me for?" he continued. "Mr Kennedy, we need someone
to find something for our alternative duel." Edrington
said to Archie. " Perhaps you have a good idea." "Why
don't you just ask Mariette what she wants you to do?"
was all he could say. After all, the situation was a
bit awkward -
Place: village, half an hour later.
"You men are all the same!" Mariette spoke in an
tone. "Always want to show off. Well, you can have it!
I have given this 'duel' a serious thought, and I
actually came up with something. It is more like a
challenge than a duel, but you sissie don't wanna get
hurt, so - I decided you have to do push ups (yeah
baby) arm wresteling and horse riding. I will dine
woith the winner tomorrow night. Any questions?
"But - ." Edrington tried "oh allright! Mr Hornblower,
prepare to be beaten!" "Same to you, evil Eddy!"
Horatio could not help himself. He knew he would win -
"Are you both ready?" Mariette asked them, "I
are not - you need to take off those coats gentlemen,
and those shirts - . I need to see you work those
muscles!" and, adding softly to herself "and this way
I can have a better look at those sixpack s, yeah
baby!" Now speaking to Edrington and Horatio again
"You have two minutes, I count down from three, 3, 2,
They both start do do their pus ups (oh what a sight!)
but soon after Edrington starts to cheat by leaning on
his knees. "123, 124, 125" Edrington counted aloud.
"Huh, -beat -you -there, -all -ready -at -two -hun
-dred -and -six -ty -one!" Horatio also counted aloud -
"OK guys, time is up!" Mariette said. "Mr Hornblower,
how many do you have?" "I counted just about 265,
miss." Horatio said with a huge smile, knowing that he
had already beaten Eddy at this point.
"We are done here it seems," Mariette said " so let's
go to the armwresteling." " Hey and what about 'my'
score" Edrington asked. "You cheated, so stop
whining - " Mariette answered. "Here's the table, take a
seat gentlemen.. Archie, will you tell them what to
do?" "Sure Mariette, do you both sit straight? Elbows
leaning on the table? Now get each other's hand. The
one who get's the other's knoccles on the table first,
wins. Ready? Now!"
Both Edrington and Horatio close their eyes a little,
while looking at each other. Their arms move slowly,
first in favour of Edrington, then Horatio gets the
'upper hand'. Still they are looking at each other.
Both pairs of eyes seem to say "try as you might, I'm
gonna win." At this point Edrington suddenly starts to
push harder and manages to get Horatios hand on the
table. He jumps up from the table and starts to shout
"I won I won I won!!". "Good for you, now we have a
tie - " Mariette notices "but there is still one thong
left to do. The horse riding! If you both please
"Here are your horses. All you have to do is take that
barricade." She continued "are thee any objections, Mr
Hornblower?" after having heard some very serious
'Idon'twannadothis' noises from his direction. "Not
really," he told her, "only I do not really like
horses, and I am afraid of heights - " "Iguess it is
almost decided then" Edrington said with a grin. He
could almost taste victory. "Oh, I won't give up just
yet, there's too much at stake!" Horatio said. "
Mariette, I'll win for you!" (sure Horatio, dream on)
"Archie, will you please hold my horse, so I can mount
Who wants to go first?" Archie asked. "You Horatio,
are you sure?" Horatio turns his horse towards the
barricade, gets it to move a bit faster, actually gets
it to take the barricade, while staying in the saddle,
and returns "didn't I do that just great?" he asked,
looking just cute. "Sure boy, now let me show you how
to ride a horse" Edrington said, turning his horse
towards the barricade, spurs it into a nice gallop,
takes the barricade - . Oh, no! only the horse takes the
barricade - . "Edrington, are you allright?" Mariette
asked running towards him to see if there's really
nothing wrong. "Yes , I'm fine - Horatio, I guess you
won - .&^*^%*" "Iguess you underestimaded me, and your
horse - ." Horatio could not help but add. "Mariette,
will you do me the honor to dine with me tomorrow
evening?" "Sure Horatio, but first I have to introduce
someone to Edrington." A girl who looks scaringly
alike Mariette walks closer. " May I introduce you to
my twin sister Chantalle, who likes red uniforms
better than blue ones? Oh, and Archie, my cousin Marie
really loves to meet you too. She should be here in
about five minutes." "Chantalle, what a beautiful
name! Ilike it even better than Mariette, and you
really like my uniform?" Edrington asked qiute taken
by the girls beauty - and ehm, liking red coats -
"Marie! So good to see you! That guy over there is
Archie. Now I can go away with Horatio, he knows a
grat place for fishin'" Mariette calls to her cousin.
"Oh hi Archie, wow, you really do look great,I guess
I am going to swoon!" " Great, that always happen to
me - well then I better carry her inside that house, get
her to her normal senses again, and see what happens.
Maybe she'll dine with me TONIGHT!" Archie softly said
bowing over the girl, lifting her up in his stong arms
(he really would have got to 3456 in those two minute
push ups) and carrying her into the house. "all's
well, end's well" he said.
Sorry, I could not help myself in those last lines I
let my mind wander a bit too much, and it was supposed
to be a Horatio fic - - . But I think I'll be forgiven,
knowing it's Jamie's b-day and all?