Five Cockeyed Carols
by Pam and Del

DECK THE YARDS
(Sung to the tune of "Deck the Halls")

Deck the yards with lusty ratings,
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hang some holly on the gratings
Fa la la la la la la la la
Dip into the spirits' barrel
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bawl the ancient Yuletide carol
Fa la la la la la la la la

See the swaying mast before us
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hear the rigging join the chorus
Fa la la la la la la la la
Welcome, Christmas, fair or windy
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bless us all aboard the Indy
Fa la la la la la la la la

Thus another Christmas passes
Fa la la la la la la la la
Must admit, we miss the lasses!
Fa la la la la la la la la
'Least we're well and still survivin'
Fa la la la la la la la la
Once ashore, we'll do some swivin'--
Fa la la la la la la la la

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
(Sung to the tune of "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth")

Everybody barks
And snaps at me--
That's the life of
A sailor 'oo's at sea.
Now I can't say nuffin' much,
Or they'd call it mutiny
But me one wish on Christmas Eve
Is as plain as it can be . . .

All I want for Christmas
Is a pint o' rum,
A pint o' rum,
Jus' a pint o' rum,
Gawd if I could only
'Ave a pint o' rum,
Then I could wish you Merry Christmas!

It seems so long since I was 'ome,
Sailin' o'er the straits o' Dover--
Gawd knows jus' 'ow 'appy I'd become
If I were 'arf-seas over!

All I want for Christmas
Is a pint o' rum,
A pint o' rum,
Jus' a pint o' rum
Gawd if I could only
'Ave a pint o' rum,
Then I could wish you Cherry ::HIC!:: Mishmush!

THE SEVEN JOYS OF MARIA*
(Sung to "The Seven Joys of Mary")

Contains spoilers for HH3

The first good joy Maria had
It was the joy of one
When Mrs. Mason leased a room
So they were not alone
So they were not alone,
Good lass--and blessed may she be,
Poor daughter of a drunken shrew
Who's quite a misery

The next good joy Maria had
It was the joy of two
When Mr. Hornblower paid his rent
And did not have to go
And did not have to go,
Good man--and blessed may he be
Demoted back to lieutenant,
Thanks to the Admir'lty

The next good joy Maria had
It was the joy of three
When in a pawnshop's window
His sword she chanced to see
His sword she chanced to see,
Good lass--and blessed may she be,
She did redeem his trusty blade
Out of true charity

The next good joy Maria had
It was the joy of four
When Horry bailed them out of jail
Where they had languished sore
Where they had languished sore,
Poor things--and blessed may they be
Though Horry said 'twas nothing more
Than reciprocity.

The next good joy Maria had
It was the joy of five
When Horry got down on one knee,
Asked her to be his wife
Asked her to be his wife,
Poor man--and blessed may he be.
Alas, we know he'll rue the day
He made that inquiry!

The next good joy Maria had
It was the joy of six
When Horry came home safe and sound--
He was not blown to bits
He was not blown to bits,
Good man--and blessed may he be
His thick wool gloves prevented that
Eventuality.

The next good joy Maria had
It was the joy of seven
To learn she soon would be a mum
To her, was surely heaven
To her, was surely heaven,
Poor dear--and blessed may she be,
At least when Horry's far away,
She'll have some company!

THE LUSTY SAILOR BOY**
(Sung to "The Little Drummer Boy")

**Contains spoilers from the Hornblower novels

Come, Bush told me (I'm such a dum-dum)
It's time to tie the knot (I'm such a dum-dum)
I could not give a thing (I'm such a dum-dum)
'Cept this cheap wedding ring,
I'm such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum
On our wedding day (I'm such a dum-dum)
Felt overcome.

Wed Maria (I'm such a dum-dum)
But wanted Barbara more (I'm such a dum-dum)
I spent long months away (I'm such a dum-dum)
Bedding Marie Gracay
I'm such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum
Then I left her too (I'm such a dum-dum--
And a real crumb).

Back in England (I'm such a dum-dum)
Maria up and died (I'm such a dum-dum)
Wed Babs later that year (I'm such a dum-dum)
Thought I was in the clear
I'm such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum
Vowed I'd never stray (I'm such a dum-dum--
And then some).

Off in Russia, (I'm such a dum-dum)
I met this countess fair (I'm such a dum-dum)
I'd had too much to drink (I'm such a dum-dum)
Of Babs I did not think
I'm such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum
Next, we hit the sheets (I'm such a dum-dum)
Feel like pond scum.

Learned my lesson (I'm such a dum-dum)
A faithful spouse I'll be (I'm such a dum-dum)
Wait--here's Marie so bold (I'm such a dum-dum)
Looking delish in gold
I'm such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum, such a dum-dum
Then she smiled at me (I'm such a dum-dum)
Here I come.

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (HH-style)

On the first day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me
A sailor in a cross-tree.

On the second day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the third day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me,
Three brown hens, (Put the chicken back, Styles)
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me,
Four falling yards,
Three brown hens,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me,
Five tots of rum! ::HIC!::
Four falling yards,
Three brown hens,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me,
Six weevils laying (ewww)
Five tots of rum!
Four falling yards,
Three brown hens,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me
Seven sails unfurling,
Six weevils laying,
Five tots of rum!
Four falling yards,
Three brown hens,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me
Eight ratings wenching,
Seven sails unfurling,
Six weevils laying,
Five tots of rum!
Four falling yards,
Three brown hens,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me
Nine Spanish ladies,
Eight ratings wenching,
Seven sails unfurling,
Six weevils laying,
Five tots of rum!
Four falling yards,
Three brown hens,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me
Ten Frogs a-leaping,
Nine Spanish ladies,
Eight ratings wenching,
Seven sails unfurling,
Six weevils laying,
Five tots of rum!
Four falling yards,
Three brown hens,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me
Eleven Lobsters marching,
Ten Frogs a-leaping,
Nine Spanish ladies,
Eight ratings wenching,
Seven sails unfurling,
Six weevils laying,
Five tots of rum!
Four falling yards,
Three brown hens,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Indy gave to me
Twelve cannons firing,
Eleven Lobsters marching,
Ten Frogs a-leaping,
Nine Spanish ladies,
Eight ratings wenching,
Seven sails unfurling,
Six weevils laying,
Five tots of rum!
Four falling yards,
Three brown hens,
Two seasick mids,
And a sailor in a cross-tree!