Come to Club Masserado!
by Michele

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Come To Club Massaredo Health Spa In Sunny Spain

TIRED of fighting life's everyday battles?
DO YOU find yourself saying "SOMEONE take me away from all
this?"

Then come to our sunny shores for the ultimate getaway spot, where
you can redefine yourself!

CLUB MASSAREDO is a sprawling resort on 10 acres of the most pristine
beachfronts of Sunny Spain. The moment you enter our massive iron
gates, you will know you've entered a place you will never be
able to leave...

OUR INTERNATIONALLY RENOWNED FACILITIES and services include:

- Attractive fruit trays brought to you while you lounge in our sunny
courtyard.

- Weight loss counseling innovative new diet plans offered.

- Customized exercise programs: Get a group of friends together and
run wildly through our spacious, open-air walkways, or just take a
limp around our courtyard.

- Can't seem to get your hair under control? At Club Massaredo,
we let the elements treat your tresses to a natural, soft rain wash.

- Men (and some women): Tired of shaving every day? Choose our
special "hole" spa and let our highly trained rat barbers
have a go. This exclusive spa is also the perfect place to be alone,
collect your thoughts, or practice your yoga moves.

- Want to exercise your mind? Club M can help there, too! Learn
Spanish at your own pace with one of our lexicons and our special
first edition of Don Quixote. Experienced tutor available upon
request. Or, enjoy stimulating conversation over dinner with French
dignitaries.

- For you would-be seafarers, we offer the heart-pounding excitement
of a realistic, hands-on rescue-at-sea course. (Requires signature
on waiver re: Devil's Teeth.)

- If you just want to relax, take a walk on our clean beaches, or
enjoy the breathtaking view from our cliffs.

- You'll rest easy knowing that our full-service sickroom
facilities are ready for any medical emergency that may befall you
during your stay with us. Uniformed room-service attendants will
bring you firewood, roast beef, ham & eggs, or perhaps a trout or
three as you are nursed back to health by our delightful young
British male nurse. The son of a doctor, he is ready to get you to
drink, eat, and get better.

SPECIAL GROUP RATES AVAILABLE! If you can get three midshipmen
together to share a room, enjoy a low rate and room service --
we'll even open the door for you!!

CLUB MASSAREDO is ready and waiting to fulfill your every getaway
retreat desire. Get away from it all with us!

CLUB MASSAREDO: IF YOU EVER *DO* LEAVE, YOU'LL BE CHANGED
FOREVER!!

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UPDATE....UPDATE....UPDATE..........

FOR RESERVATIONS:

Due to the overwhelming interest in CLUB MASSAREDO, we have had to
establish new numbers to handle the growing demand for reservations.
To reserve YOUR vacation of a lifetime, or as PJ so aptly put it, a
life TERM, call 555-PAROLE. If busy, call 555-WINDMILLS.

WE CAN HANDLE ANY SIZE GROUP, LARGE OR SMALL. Make your reservations
TODAY, before the war is over! Remember, don't fight it -- wait
it out here! Walk in the sun with YOUR favorite person.

******CLUB MASSAREDO NEWS: HORATIANS, hold your next convention
here! We'll add to the ambience with a special performance by
renowned British actress Katherine Cobham as Cleopatra. There is
LOTS that's remarkable beneath the visiting moon HERE!!

YOU HAVE OUR WORD ON IT: This is the best retreat you've ever
had or your freedom back! Call 555-PAROLE today!!!