All About Hetty Bracegirdle
by Naomi

NAME: Henrietta Alice Louise Bracegirdle, nee Fubsyface. Hetty to my near and
dears, and Dear Reader, I am so pleased to admit they are numerous.

LIVING ARRANGEMENT: A charming chez in Kensington, home to my beloved
husband, Lieutenant Basil Bracegirdle, and me, and -- eventually I hope --
seven children.

FAVORITE PASTIME: La, but I have so many interests, for I must confess that I
am much in demand socially. It is quite draining, though naturally I would
not dream of disappointing all those so desirous of my presence to adorn
their little gathering, and so I am forced to eat rather more often than most
in order to maintain my strength. When my adored Basil is at home, which can
never be so often as we would prefer, I devote myself entirely to his comfort
and well-being. When he is at sea, I occupy my time in the social pursuits
already referred to, and as well I have of late dedicated myself to a
business enterprise with a young friend of mine, an investigative service. We
are become quite the rage it seems, with everyone from princes to young
ladies of the ton seeking our services.

FAVORITE BOOK: Oh, anything of Maria Edgeworth's! Are her novels not
positively chilling?? Though Mr. Collins says they are the worst tripe he
ever laid eyes on, but then men never can understand a woman's sensibilities,
can they?

THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD IS: Sitting down to a 13 course dinner, which I
do at every opportunity.

THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD IS: When the tea tray is empty and one's
hostess is glaring at one in the most accusatory way. I cannot understand it,
but it happens to me -- oh, frequently!

FAVORITE SMELLS: What an endless list comes to mind! I shan't begin to say or
you would be here half the night reading this.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING: Mmm, a pot of
chocolate. How lovely!

BATTLE: SCARY OR EXCITING: Yes. I was nearly overpowered once when attacked
by a footpad, but fortunately I had a parasol (a gift from Lord Edrington) in
my possession, and I used it to ward off the assault. I was terribly
frightened, but the victory was most exhilirating. It goes some little way
toward explaining why men are so fond of war.

FAVORITE FOODS: My dears! It's like asking a doting mother of ten which is
her favorite child! Do not ask me, for I would be forsworn in short order.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: Just a trifling portion of each, please. Oh, yes, both
of them are quite nice. Have you any little cakes to go with them?

STORMS, COOL OR SCARY: Monstrously fearsome things! Quite enough to make me
forego my dinner when the thunder rattles the windows hard enough to shatter
them. And I loathe contemplating the notion that my sweet Basil's ship might
be caught in such a maelstrom of nature. No, no, just let me get a glass of
Madeira to steady my nerves, for no one shall say Hetty Bracegirdle is
"missish"!

FAVORITE DRINK: I do love a good dish of Bohea, but a syllabub is sooooo
delightful. Perhaps Madeira is my favorite? Or champagne. Sherry! Port?
Claret? Ratafia? But I must say that Mr. Collins has finally convinced me
that orgeat is NOT to be tolerated in polite company and the women who serve
it ought to be whipped at the cart's tail!

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE: Why would
anyone want to change anything about the world? It revolves entirely around
me, and I am quite satisfied with that, as should everyone else be.

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE: I sometimes
think perhaps I am not assertive enough in my behaviour. Both my admirable
husband and my friend Mr. Collins tell me I am mistaken, but -- I am so
rarely mistaken, you see. Yes, I begin to think I must make more of a push to
assert myself!

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: I once had the most trifling tendre for Sir
Edward Pellew, but once Basil had taken me in his arms, there was no room
left in my heart for another. (What have you there, Gentle Reader? Is that a
macaroon? May I help myself? Thank you!)

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL: Half-empty. Be a pet, won't you, and
fetch me another?

WHAT'S IN YOUR ANXIETY CLOSET: ALL my closets are filled to the very brim, I
promise, with clothes, shoes, hats, reticules, cloaks, scarves, etc. Yes, I
shrink to say so, for modesty forbids it, but this is just between friends,
n'est-ce pas? but I am QUITE the fashion plate. My court dress of tangerine
and lime horizontal stripes, worn with a veritable treasure trove of
carbuncle-cut rubies is still spoken of in hushed whispers of awe.

WHAT'S YOUR LOFTIEST DREAM: <Blushing!> No, no, you must excuse me from
answering this question. It is quite a personal matter between Basil and me.

WHAT'S YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE: The thought that Basil might be killed in this
terrible war quite sinks my spirits for days at a time. I write to him every
day and each month I send to him some small item, a new cravat or a pair of
stockings or some such folderol, though he tells me I ought not, for he says
he seldom receives these trifles. But I know he must get some of these
parcels, for Mr. Hornblower was kind enough to thank me for the new stockings
Basil had lent him for some special occasion.

WHAT DO YOU WISH PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT YOU THAT YOU FEEL THEY DON'T: I wish they
knew how partial I am to gooseberry tarts.

WHAT OTHER HH CHARACTER WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ANSWER THIS QUESTIONNAIRE: I
hear the most interesting tales -- quite paradoxical in nature -- about one
Dr. Clive. I should like to know how much truth there is to'em!